


Seduction and Dragons

by GoodyearTheShippyCat



Category: Starfighter (Comic), Starfighter Eclipse
Genre: (but it will be funnier if you have a basic idea of the game), Awkwardness, Characters Play Dungeons & Dragons, Crack, Flirting, Hints of Deimos/Praxis, Imagine your OTP, M/M, No Dungeons & Dragons Knowledge Required, Roleplay, Sexual Confusion, Sexual Fantasy, Sexual Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Voyeurism, Xenophilia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:00:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26034562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoodyearTheShippyCat/pseuds/GoodyearTheShippyCat
Summary: Some of the crew of the Kepler take a break from their duties to play a game of D&D. Antics ensue.
Relationships: Deimos/Ethos (Starfighter), Ethos & Praxis (Starfighter)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 4
Collections: Starfighter Summer Challenge





	Seduction and Dragons

**Author's Note:**

> It was only a matter of time before I crossed SF and D&D. Whoops. This fic is ostensibly for the Starfighter Summer Challenge, with today’s theme being “Sex in Unlikely Places”. A fantasy roleplaying game counts as an unlikely place when your normal setting is basically space military high school, right? Eh, close enough! 
> 
> Hilariously, it’s also the only fic I’ve posted so far that _doesn’t_ actually feature explicit sexual acts. Pretty sure I’m doing this theme week thing wrong here…

“I attempt to court the creature.”

It was like a transmission glitch noise in Praxis’ head, screeching over whatever he’d been thinking about before. He looked up from his character sheet to stare at Ethos, and he wasn’t the only one.

Deimos stared at the navigator with narrowed eyes over the makeshift dungeon master’s screen. They’d cobbled it together using trays from the mess hall so that the normally silent fighter could plot their demise—or lament his terrible rolls for enemies—with some degree of secrecy. He nodded in acquiescence; his version of _I’ll allow it_.

Ethos rolled. Natural 20.

With his stupidly good charisma score and smartly chosen skill proficiencies, this was practically impossible to fail. His character, Beauregard the Bisexual Bovine Bagpipe Bard, had already slept with half the denizens of all the surrounding towns and villages they’d passed through. Including some of their antagonists who headed up local gangs. His motto seemed to be ‘Don’t fight them, fuck them!’. The only person he’d failed to seduce so far was the local priestess, and that was probably only because he’d rolled a critical fail for once in his life.

Praxis had joked in-character that the gods had cockblocked him, the holier-than-thou High Elf Paladin he was playing having regularly expressed disgust at his travelling companion’s promiscuity over the games they’d played so far.

“Okay, act it out.”

Praxis nearly choked.

“…What?” asked Ethos, clearly taken aback a little. It had been a while since their longsuffering DM had asked him to actually roleplay much of his compulsive courting of NPCs. All their games would probably have run an hour longer if that hadn’t been the case.

Deimos leaned over the lunch-tray screen slightly, intense blue gaze fixed on Ethos.

“Seduce me.”

Praxis could feel his mouth hanging open stupidly. He closed it. The tension in the small room was palpable. Sure, he had said it in the monster’s voice, and Ethos often laid on the flirting heavily with Deimos when he was behind the screen… _but that was just roleplaying, right?_

“O-oh! Okay, uh… I walk towards the mysterious dungeon-dweller, taking steps in time with the strumming of my lute, rolling my hips with each one.”

“Ha! Why not your bagpipes?” asked Athos, clearly entertained. Praxis couldn’t even tell if he was asking in character or not. His fast-talking Halfling Rogue was basically just an exaggerated version of himself.

“Isn’t your perception supposed to be good?” Ethos answered his question with a question, in the sing-song voice of his character. “Bagpipes in a small cave like this would be deafening… and I want this fascinating creature to be able to hear every sweet, _sensual_ word I say to them.”

“Ha ha ha ha, fine!” Athos turned to Deimos, “I sneakily move toward the pile of large boulders in the shadows and attempt to hide. Can’t miss this.”

_Deimos looks almost… annoyed?_

A twelve came up on the die. “So with my +10 Stealth modifier, that’s 22. Do I succeed in concealing myself?”

Deimos rolled his eyes and nodded, then held a finger to his lips with a raised eyebrow.

“You know, you’re really quite lovely,” Ethos continued, “Flickering torchlight brings out your eyes. Have you ever been serenaded before?”

“The creature says something in a language you don’t understand, but it sounds almost sad.”

“I throw my cape back with a flourish and make a sweeping bow that ends with me on one knee in front of the creature and say ‘Would you allow me the honour, then?’ in the deepest, smoothest tone within my repertoire.”

Watching this strange wooing unfold, Praxis almost jumped when Athos punched him in the bicep.

“This is too good, huh?” said the other man, in a whisper for once but clearly entertained.

Uncertain how to respond, he remained silent, looking around the rough circle they were seated in to see what the others were making of the show happening in front of them. Predictably, Helios and Selene were too busy flirting with each other to pay much attention. They were leaning away from the group, having a quiet exchange. Not a care for anyone else in the party when they were lost in each other’s eyes. _Not so different from their characters around the fire when we stop to make camp_. The Human Fighter and Gnome Wizard had immediately taken to each other after the first game, where the former had taken an arrow meant for the latter and immediately won her favour. It was sure to be a lesbian romance for the storybooks, at the rate they were going.

“Before you can finish your song, the creature steps forward and tosses your lute aside. You hear it splinter on the wall of the cave. It’s very close now; you can feel its breath whoosh over you,” Deimos said, interrupting Praxis’ mental observations without even trying, though his focus remained entirely fixated on Ethos.

“I take the limb they used to toss the lute and bring it to my lips, pressing a chaste kiss to it which promises much more.”

It might have been the first time Praxis had actually wished Phobos were around. He would surely have had a choice comment or two on the events transpiring before them. Unfortunately the catty navigator had given up after the first session, annoyed that his Changeling Sorcerer had nearly died. 

“I kiss all the way up one limb, and then shift my attention to the creature’s face.”

“You feel something wet against your neck as the creature returns your affection in the closest way it can think to.”

“I turn my head to meet whatever part is doing that… with my tongue.”

“After a few long, exploratory moments, the creature reaches out and rips open your jerkin, tearing the fabric straight down the front almost to your navel,” said Deimos, almost like he was contemplating doing the same sort of thing to Ethos’ uniform jacket.

A shiver ran through Praxis as he remembered the sensation of a sharp knife point in his side.

“My, my, you’re very strong, aren’t you?” said the bard, a teasing note to his voice, “I certainly wouldn’t have wanted to fight you.”

“The creature has begun to make a rumbling noise, advancing on you.”

At this point, Praxis knew that he and his character were both awkwardly watching this unfold, having lost the distinction between real Praxis and ‘fantasy Praxis’.

_Don’t get aroused, don’t get aroused, don’t get aroused. Dammit I’m even thinking in character now!_

“I turn this to my advantage, leading them along until my back is pressed against the stone of the cavern wall,” said Ethos, a faint blush over his cheekbones. “Uhh, is this where we do a fade-to-black?”

Deimos shrugged.

Praxis felt a much more intense blush heat his own face.

“You feel the creature press along your front,” Deimos continued, lips curling up into a mischievous smirk, “And you also feel something that was significantly less apparent before.”

“Well _hello_ there! How have I never heard about your kind before? Surely this is worthy of being immortalized in song.”

“DON’T MIND ME,” Praxis said, getting to his feet before he’d even had a chance to form a coherent thought. “I’M JUST GOING TO GET US SOME MORE, UH, CONTRABAND. RIGHT, DRINKS! YES!”

As he turned and fled the room, Praxis could hear his navigator call out before the door slid shut behind him.

“Wait! We still have more in the air vent!”

Praxis exhaled forcefully through his nose as he strode down the hall, trying not to think of how similar the inside of the vents would be to an enclosed cave. How similar to being pressed against a hard, unforgiving surface by a creature he didn’t understand yet was inexplicably drawn to.

He wondered how high he would have to roll in order to knock himself out and forget what had happened this session.

END

**Author's Note:**

> I have a lot of feels about Deimos as a DM. Come scream with me about them over on [tumblr](https://goodyeartheshippycat.tumblr.com/) or send me your guesses as to what kind of monster he was roleplaying. Also, if you steal Beauregard the Bisexual Bovine Bagpipe Bard from me, I will cut you… jk go wild. I’m still planning to play a variation on that character at some point, but the more the merrier. I just couldn’t have the idea of a Firbolg Bard with a Hielan Coo-inspired aesthetic playing a bagpipe really obnoxiously and *not* use it somehow.


End file.
